napakasakit nga ba?

nakaupo sa isang malambot na bagay na sadyang ginawa para bigyang daan ang pagod na nilalang..kanina pa lito at hindi malaman kung san siya eksaktong nakapatong...malabo kung tatanawin pero kita pa rin kahit ganun..nakikita ang isang nilalang o bagay na hindi mo malaman kung tlgang buhay ito o hindi..ang puno ng buhay...halos tutusukin kana sa mala espada niyang mga kawal na nakabase sa bawat gilid niya..isang bagay lang na hindi makikita ang sasalubong dun ay tiyak hindi mo na makikita ang mga taong malapit sa sau..bilog.bilog bilog..ano ba tlga binubuo nito sa loob...kung inyo tlgang pag uukulana ang sadyang paggalaw ng parte ay mahuhuli mo ang padaloy ng likidong npapaloob ganun din ang manamis-namis na parte na sobrang kinababaliwan ko..sa gitna ng kanyang pinagmamalaking katawan ay nakakapandiri sapagkat taglay nito ang mga nilalang na wla nlng ginawa kundi angkinin ang bawat tubig na dumadaloy..gusto ko siyang tanggalin pero sadyang nakakapit ito..wla ng pag-asa..magkadikit na sila..

bagong panahon

naiingayan ako sa bawat tilamsik ng ulan sa mga spaltong daan.. pra bang mga bagong laya sa munti na ulap ang nagsisilbing mga kulungan nila..unti-unti clang nwawala pagkatapos nilang lumapat sa daan..naanod hanggang kung san man cla mapunta..sa mga halaman,sa mga canal na sobrang 'linis' o di kaya sa mga bibig ng mga kawawang wala ng mainom..pinagmamasdan ang sarili sa isang maliit na bilog na kita ang repleksyon ng pagmumukhang nakalabo..mula sa taas nakikita ang mga hibla na pra bang hindi naaayos dahil na rin sa pagkawala ng gana..pababa matatanaw ang ipinagmamalaking dalawang pares na ginagamit sa pag oobserba ng mga bagay na di pangkaraniwan..konti pa at masasalubong na ang pinaka-ayaw ng nilalang..kalahati pang baba ay ang wlang kwentang bagay na di naman nagagamit sa magandang paraan at puro mura lang ang alam..npakasaklap...binatawan ang bagay na sadtang hinawakan..7 yr bad luck? may ganong paniniwala pa kaya?bakit hindi na ba badluck ang bwat araw na nagdaan..sa bawat pagbangon sa lumang kama na puno ng alikabok? sa bawat pagsisipilyo na wla namang kwenta? nakakasawa na talaga...bakit ba pinagpipilitan ng tao na gumawa ako ng mga ganung bagay! gusto kong tratuhin nila ako ng ganitong paraan at wag na nila isipina ang nakaraan!gusto ko ng baguhin ang mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay hindi naman dapat...kanina sa classroon may natanaw akong "tulungan mo ako." pano ko naman cia tutulungan eh hindi ko naman cia kilala at di a nag iwan ng number! npakatanga tlga! kinuha ang isang maliit na puting papel kung saan nkasulat ang importanteng kataga..katagang nagpabagsak sa sinumang mayayaman at makapangyarihang nilalang..ang mga katagang ngpalala sa mga problemang dinadanas ng karamihang tao...mga katagang hindi masarap pakinggan pero di kapanipaniwala! binuklat ko....



"mahal kita"

its over and done

i can't stop it pero its over....

kainis to...

kainis tong babaeng kumakain sa gilid ko..nagugutom tuloy ako...huhu..2 itlog pa lang kinain ko sa araw na ito..tsk!

silence makes my heart palpitate

heto na naman ako..tak..tak..tak..ano ba tlga sadya ko rito? konting aliw sa dulo ng mga daliri..konting galaw ng mga bilog na bagay sa mukha ko..at ang malamig na hangin na labas masok sa katawan ko..nkakalungkot..ang tahimik...katahimikan..shhh...ang ingay ng musikong nanggaling sa makinang hindi katulad ng nkaraan...ang hirap ilarawan..sdyang ganun naman ako plagi..ewan...puro nlng ako ewan.....
lubdub..lubdub...lubdub...pakiramdam ko ang paggalaw ng maliit na bagay na nsa kaliwang bahagi ng chest ko...nakakakiliti ang pagdaloy ng dugo sa buong katawan ko...dahan dahang tinatahak ang mga maliliit na ugat na sanay namamahinga na lang ngayon..pilit silang ginugulo ng mga likidong pula...cge daloy kau...ang hanging pumapasok sa malasakong bagay ay nakakakiliti rin..kelangan bang magsabay?kelangan bang guluhin ang mga bagay na sanay namamahinga na? kelangan bang clang pagtrabahuin at pagdusahin..kelangan ba clang bahiran ng pulang likido?cguro malaking panahon ang gugugulin pra masagot ko ang mga yan...sa mga bagay na ang hirap ipaliwanag...mga ugat ko..hantayin nyo ang ilang taon na pagdudusa...tutulungan ko kayo....teka..teka...nsaan ba ang apoy?mainit..wag na natin cyang idamay...

freak

oh...i left the door unlock! I hurried back and checked! so dumb!I hate travelling..I was running trying to reach for the bus..the driver didn't even bother to stop for me to be safe...crap! I sat beside a funny looking gay.."she" has this weird make-up that makes her appear so freak..I didn't bother transferring to the next seat...I love it when i start observing people..its my specialty..The gay has this huge stomach ..a little shirt and this scary belt..so awkward.. I cant stop smiling..Karma was so true...Muscles in my mouth start to contract!Shit i dont wanna puke here..How the hell am i suppose to stop this in the middle of my travel..I dictated my brain to be calm..headache comes next..i've slept.."magallanes..Magallanes..." wake up...I rode a jeep to UP diliman.. I have a scheduled date with my brother..I bought c2 and sat down on carabao grasses...

check on it...

hands down this is the best thing i can always remember!!and the streets were wet and the gate was locked so i jump it and i let you in..and you stood at your door with ur hands on my waist and u kissed me like you meant it!!





*********i hate this logo lurking in my phone!! this superman logo!! my explicit logo was replaced by smart telecommunications!! oh i hate them for that!!

HINDI NA NYA KINAYA

ang akala ko ok na ang lahat...kala ko mapupunan na ang 'emptiness' na nararamdaman ko..akala ko wla ng problema..akala ko patungo na ako sa kaligayahan na minsan ay naramdaman ko noon..Sa tingin ko malabo pa rin..hindi pa rin masyado matiyak ang tunay na sitwasyon...ilusyunada ba?....Wla pa ring nangyayari...dahan-dahanin daw...ginawa ko naman ah..kulang pa ba? O masaya ka na sa iba...hindi mo man lang ako pinapansin..Pano kaya kung hindi ko muna cya kausapin? hayaan ko muna na mamiss niya ako...ang tanong..mamimiss niya ba tlga ako o tuluyan na nya akong kalimutan..teka..teka..teka.."totoo ba tlga yan ha?" wika ni Rey skin.."ewan ko,"sagot ko..
"npaka-imposible naman kasi ng iniisip mo eh.."
"mali ba?"
"Hindi naman pero lam mo naman kung ano turing nya sayo dba?"
"pucha! yoko marinig yan.."
"Andrea,masakit tlga ang katotohanan.."
"Tama na!"
"hindi! kailangan mong malaman tong lahat..cguro malungkot ka lang kaya naghahanap ka ng taong magpapasaya syo...cguro cya lang ang tanging tao na sa akala mo ay mkakapagsaya sau..andyan palagi pag ikaw ay kailangan ng kausap..naging mahina ka at nakatuon lang ang pansin mo sa taong un..kaya mo cguro npapagkamalang pag-ibig un..Wala yan Andrea!"



Umiyak na lang ako sa sulok at nag-isip...ang tanga ko! npakatanga! umaasang mahalin ng isang taong ngaing mabait lang sa mga panahong malungkot ako..Putang inang katangahan un!!Pilit binabaling ang isipan..PUTANG INANG MIKE NAMAN KASI UN!Pina-asa lang tlga ako...pinaramdam lang ng minsan sakin ang naudlot na pag-iibigan...may pahawak-hawak pa ng kamay ang putang inang un!npakasakit tlga!!OO na!!MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA MIKE!!SOBRANG MAHAL KITA!! ngayon...may mahal ka ng iba!! at sa tuwing makikita ko kayong magka akbay unti-unti akong nauupos na parang sigarilyo..Mamatay kna mike!!unti-unti mkong pinapatay sa mga putang inang mga alaala na putang inang pinagsisisihan ko!!!Hindi ko naman kasalanan kung naging mahina ako..kung cnabi kong wla akong bf kasi kahit kelan hindi mo pinakita sakin na mahal mko na magbf tau!!putang ina mo!!Gumaganti kba gago ka?suntukan nlng tau!!wag mkong daanin sa ganito!! Ipamukha mo saking na galit ka!!Pag nagkita tlga tau putang ina hindi kita pauuwiing hindi duguan yang ilong mo gago ka!!ulol ka!!nakaloko kna!!

tok..tok..tok....(pumasok c Rey)
"tma na yan Andrea"
napayakap nlang ako kay Rey..
"Rey mahalin mko!!"
"Andrea little sister na kita..Hindi naman tau bagay eh..ano kaba...May tao pang mas mamahalin ka..Bata kapa..wag ka munang mag-isip ng mga ganung bagay.."


Lumayo ako..yoko isipin un...guni-guni ko lang un!

what?

he should just be killed!!! cupid i mean... the best way how??? to tie him up and leave him in the desert to die in the heat of the sun... he really deserves it...
he makes people's heart fall without anyone who is willing and ready to catch, thus it ends up broken into a million peices...
i hate him, he made me fall for someone and here i am writing this blog, broken and torn into peices....
of all the people why him? pakshet!!! why him??? F*%K!!! bullcrap!!!!
probably he's just doin his freakin pathetic job... i really dont blame cupid... i thank him coz he made me stronger... maybe he sent me that person to remind of how it felt like, not being able to say your emotions because of the fear of being rejected... shit...
i hate this... bull shit!!!
i wanna cry... but no one's here to comfort me... can't the BIG MAN above send me someone to heal all of my wounds??? anyway i'll just wait for that someone...
maybe GOD is just writing the best love story in the course of HISTORY... i have faith in him naman eh... just hope something happens...

matagal na pala

ang hirap ipaliwanag..sdyang may mga bagay na mahirap ipaliwanag..nkakalito..biglang ganito tpos mamaya ganun na naman..GANUN TALGA...text message..Tv Patrol ang ringing tone..ang cute pero ang haba..yoko pakinggan..totoo ba lahat ng nkasulat sa tx..mga katagang di malaman kung totoo..sadyang magulo ito dahil magulo dun ang gusto ko sanang sabihin.."you want to stay but you know very well i want you gone,not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that i am walking on.."Tama yun..tamang tama un..yung mga taong may gusto sau ayaw mo namang makita ang pagmumukha nila..pag gusto mo bang makita o mkasama ang isang tao,ibig ba sabihin nun gusto mo cya?..I doubt it..Kaya nga mahirap ipaliwanag eh..at yung gusto mo tlagang maabot ay tlgang ang hirap abutin..(teka bat andaming TLAGA?ahihihi)..dami pang hadlang at titiyakin..dami pang panahon..ang layo pa ng lalakbayin..3km? 4km? o higit pa sa tinatahak ng karaniwang barko..? lalakarin ba at mapapagod? o sasakay na lang at magiging komportable..hindi ko parn alam eh..hindi ko parin lam ang punakatumpak na salita sa mga pinagsasabi ko rito..naguguluhan ako..mali ba? tama naman eh..ewan ko dun..ang labo pa rin..pra parin akong nkatingin sa transluscent glass...daming alikabok..sobrang labo..sooobbrrraaang laaabooo...


****nkatingin na naman sa gate ng up..pinagmamatiyagan ang tamad na mamang pulis..wag mkong dalhin sa sulok na yan..ang sakit parin sa tuwing naalala ko ang sulok sa isang paspud chain..papatayin prin ako sa lungkot..

boredom

i'm used of getting up late..11:00am was very costumary..I was already out of our bunk bed when i notice that i was unaccompanied..my back hurts.."Kain na tau,kaso konti nlng ung kanin,"my friend said..it was a scorching monday morning..we ate..ring..ring...ring...dirty ice cream mode...while eating melted ice cream,there was this local chicken with dirty feathers..I guess he's searching for something to eat..a rice grain perhaps...hahaha..He didn't notice a well developed rooster from afar..A sudden cockfight happened..poor bloody chicken...text twist..text twist...59,000...too bad...gone w/ all the vocabulary words i've known..Mp3 mode.."amber is the color of your energy." How come amber was the color..could it be not green or red? well i dont know..weird...with the groove of music, i've done this weird twisting exercise with this weird looking twisting gadget...rest..rest..rest...Brown turns to white as i spread it all over..I'm feeling that sudden rise in temperature in my body specifically my face..I'm starting to feel my stomach contracting trying to search for available food.secreting juices..gotta eat..jobe mode..c'mon

not normal..

anxiously waiting..i rush myself to her room to see to it if everythings alright..it turned to be fine but im not satisfied.."what's going on?"..unclear surroundings..after 3 seconds the double vision that i was seeing was finally clear..it was not normal.."you are not suppose to do this.""Oh come on! will you shut the fuck up?" I could see his boastful face as he utter those words..boisterous laughter filled the house..after a while they were all staring blankly at me...am i that stupid to take all those straight stares at me? I close the door and brought myself to a corner...I cried...Why are people like that?They have transformed themselves into naughty-monsters-eating people! how weird...I could imagine myself inside their wet mouth..chewing me to death..my blood squirting into their yellow colored teeth..
I stretch my t-shirt trying to wipe away my tears..i hate it when i cry..i hate it when im weak..Yes! ive gotta face them bravely..but i think its too late...the door was already locked..all i can hear were sweet shouts.

birthday

today is the birthday of my mom..sad i am not at her side...:-(

pagtatagpo

isang salaming di mo masyado makita ang repleksyon ng sarili mo..tagos hanggang papus..hindi ko pa rin tanaw sa malayo..balik sa kinauupuan..komportable..malamig..puno ng kulay..pilit aaliwin ang sarili sa paggamit ng mechanical na bagay..tak...tak...tak...ang sarap ng pakiramdam..alang iniisip..sa bawat pagpindot alala ang isang araw na kung kailan nagkasalubong...isip..ang gulo..kausap ang nilalang na gusto mong makita..ang labo..ang kulit..nakakainis..labas kna...nkakatamad..ang dami plang dyip sa labas sa mga oras na ito..maliit na sulok..medyo madilim..ang labo parin..tnaw ko lang ang nkatayong buhok..nkatalikod..natatakpan..malabo..bumalik ako..tuloy paba? tanong tanong tanong sa kasama..isip..isip..ano ba sasabihin ko..?ang gulo..kumatok..tok tok tok..kumway..ang cute ng pagkaway..bigla..pasok pasok pasok..di mkapaniwala..ang kapal ko..sanayan ba ito? sdyang iniisip ko lang..di bale na..nsa loob na..naalala ko pa..kinulbit ako ng isang babaeng gusto ko ring mkita..ang kulit..kinagabihan nun kain sa square..close na agad kami..ang saya..diretso sa harapan..pano ba? pinakita..nanginginig ba? ewan di ko masyado napansin..yun tumpak! alam ko na..tinitigang mabuti..ang labo pa rin..isa pa...padaplis..tama cya nga..di ko na maintindihan..labas na..twag twag twag..ano ba yun..kulit ni ate..hindi naman totoo un..gawa2x lang nya..magaling kba sa math?1+1+4-2+3*2..yun ata..ewan ko kung tuloy..ah bsta..isaw kau jan..sa bwat kagat ay ngiti..hahaha..sna catsup na lang..ano ba ibang gagawin..uwi uwi..tara na..

saddest songs

I'm missing your bed, I never sleepAvoiding the spots where we'd have to speak& this bottle of beast is taking me home.I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheetsYou're not alone & you're not discreet.You make sure I know, who's taking you home.I'm reading your note over again.There is not a word that I comprehend,except when you signed it "I will love you always & forever"
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,and sit alone and wonder,how you're making out,but as for me I wish that I was anywherewith anyone making out
I'm missing your laugh, how did it break?And when did your eyes begin to look fake?I hope you're as happy as your pretending.I'm missing you bed, I never sleep.Avoiding the spots where we'd have to sleep.And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
Your hair.It's everywhere.Screaming infidelities.Taking it's wear.

missin' ur laugh

sony playstation.nokia 3230,ipod shuffle,jolibee ice craze upgrade,jolibee crunchy twirl,jolibee zert pie...that's what im seeing right now..isn't it funny? im feeling the chill now..some sort of confusion between addiction and obsession..no,not that..striking heat. it digs my skin inch by inch. and in a matter of minutes im chillin'...i've seen him again..personally seen him..all the sensations were gone..all people were like invisible..am i deaf? am i blind? but why am i concentrated with this enormous shithead!!funny looking jerk..with that white cap again..

alright...im not being dumb here..

pls..go near me..last chance and all distressful feelings will be gone..yeah,,thats it..17 steps will be good..yeah...good...will i smile?will i call him? no..i wont even bother look at his clumsy face..but wait..i miss that comical face..that enormous belly..those fine-looking eyes..how i miss them all..oh shut up...knock him off!! no...just bow ur head down..act as if u didn't notice him..yeah..perfect!i guess thats it..that was all..im free..im worry free..i guess...so whats the big deal? missing him? not anymore...a little beer? not anymore..food will do...

ghost of a good thing

wind..wind..wind...i hate this. inch by inch, my hair starts to grow into a monster. Good thing i have my little shades with me. 2 days dreaming of my most horrible situation. shattered and exhausted, i look at my phone. 8 messages received. i did not became aware of it. I passed by the horticultural buliding and noticed a big dog with huge chains around its neck. at the center of it was a big 'padlock' hanging like a bell. I started to relate myself with the dog's situation. Can't see my point. 'mama bayad po'. and moved myself to a corner where i can lean my back at this rusty jeepney. at the intersection patrol car was visible. i hate policemen. and i hate patrol cars. they were all like shit to me. i hate grove. it makes me so stupid trying to look for that fuckin' guy who was able to ruin my life. black tshirt,cargo shorts,blue pants and white cap..an identity that i fuckin' love the most!! i can't find what im lookin' for..every corner..im so depressed..'para po manong,' i exclaimed. I headed to a cafe..empty yet refreshing..