"pacific sun,you should have warned us"

extremely damaged

2007-09-02T02:22:00.000-07:00

My singing life started way back when i was 5 years old. ~~rain gently falls, whenever we say goodbye,falling like rain your out of sight, rain follows me even in my bed so rain is the tears that I've shed~~ My mother wants to hear it every now and then, and i was like that dumb child following every instruction taught by my dear mother.. When i was in high school, i have learned to mingle with some extraordinary type of men who loves to engage in some extraordinary recreation..-skateboarding.. Usually, they would unconsciously make people hate them.. But i believe it was only their passion that led them to show off and carry out different kinds of dodgy stunts..i admire them so much.. Skateboarding would be directly associated with rock bands and 'emo' style...to be continued..(stressed pa rin ako)

making me bleed

2007-03-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

i didn't even try to think you have this girlfriend that they say.. I would not think of any instance that you are together..For months i have treated myself crazy for many reasons that has something to do with you..i have not even talked to you but you seem so gentle..i have not even tried smiling at you so you won't say anything against me..i have not even known you that much yet im regretfully inlove with you..for that time scale, i cant believe i have this dangerous feelings i saved for you..and now here you are, smiling with the accompaniment of your expressive eyes..you whispers something in her cute little face...maybe you love her that much..definitely glamorous than i am..i understand..but i hope you here me cry in pain everytime you hold her hand..

--march 16,2007.....8:56pm...

cover me with dreams

2007-03-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

how does it really feel when you are truly hopeless? is it worst than dying? or i guess no one could ever pin point what the hell it really means..every sentence provides something that is factual. each word signifies a moment of sadness. each letter proves something beyond everything anyone could ever imagine. Im feeling so ambitious..feeling so elated everytime a could read true stories. sometimes desperately talking to oneself proving something that is beyond everyones perception. No one could ever comprehend my expectations. no one could ever try to tap my shoulder forcefully telling me that im damn right! yes, i cant tell how.. i can see my tears diminishing everytime i could spell out your name. my voice quivering everytime i hear you scream. my knees falling unto each surface where i could see you stand. Yes, it is what you think. i think i am inlove with you. no...i am inlove with you.

----from a recognizable human being

can't see the point

2007-03-10T20:44:00.000-08:00

--it is when you register unlimitxt but no one seems to text you back..
--when you notice him from a distance but you can't seem to give him a smile..
--you are in the same jeep, and you can't move (even your eyes)..
--its when you read his thoughts of happiness but you know that was not about you..
--he texted you all of a sudden,you cant reply(wla plang load)..

---sad..cry..cry..cry..

sa mga sandali..

2007-02-24T04:28:00.000-08:00

pumupulupot pa rin ang mga makikisig na bisig sa nanghihinang nilalang..dahan-dahang inaangkin ang natitirang enerhiya sa bawat pag dukot sa iniingatan..maiitim ang naaaninag sa bawat pagbukas ng mga bilog na bagay..inaangat pa rin ang sarili..pinipilit..hanggang sa makarating sa mga sandali na wala na ang nilalang sa dating kinaroroonan..tamang-tama lang ang naiisip..daig na daig pa rin naman kahit anong maisipan..
isang malaking pader na ang kaharap..ayaw ng magpakita sa nakakasuklam na parte..iniiwasan..iba ang gusto..patuloy pa rin ang malalakas na pagdaloy ng pulang likido sa loob na naging dahilan ng mga nararamdaman..at sa bawat pagbaba sa inaasam, pawang pagtulak na lang sa hindi naman kayang itulak ang nagagawa..kasabay nito ang tunog na para bang musika sa tenga..ilang malalalim na hinga ang binitawan pero di pa rin sapat upang masimot ang sandaling tahimik ang mundo..walang maalala..isang pangyayaring mumulat sa isipang ng marami..ilang saglit na lang at mapapatunayan na..isa pa..at kuhang kuha mo na..

---traces of innocence

wag ka sanang maniwala..

2007-02-05T00:57:00.000-08:00

may mga bagay na dapat iwasan na..ung tipong hindi na iisipin..at kung may mga sandaling maiisip,iuuntog ung ulo pra kalimutan man kung ano mang masakit at masaya..

ito ngaun ang naiisip ko habang nkatutok sa isang wlang kwentang bagay...mahirap ipaliwanag..lumiliwanag pag may gusto at kung wla naman..naturang ganun na siya katahimik..gusto ko sanang tulungan siyang maging isang pakawalang bagay..tumatalon,kumakain,lumalangoy,maglakad, at magmahal...pero pano man naman matuturuan ang isang bagay na wla namang karapatang maging ganun? nilikha lang siya sa isang dahilan..wla ng iba..hindi na siya kailanman mkakagawa ng mga bagay na gusto kong ipagawa sa kanya..iisa lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit siya nakikita ngaun..magbigay ng ilaw sa mga tao..un lang..sabihin mo nga? pano ko mabibigyan ng buhay ang isang bagay na mula pa nung una ay wla na tlagng buhay..pano ko pa kaya matuturo sa kanya ung mga ibang bagay na hindi naman niya ginagawa..sabihin mo nga...? wla ng paraan..ganun na cya eh..ganung ganun na cya..

saglit..sabihn mo nga..maari ko bang gawin ung mga bagay na hindi ko naman gingawa dati? isang pangungusap lang.....

bakit kelangang ipattern?

2007-02-04T00:36:00.000-08:00

sinabi ko rin bang kasalanan mo? wlang me kasalanan..tlgang ganun lang ung nangyari..saglit ulit..saglit..bkit mko pinapatahimik..alm mo ang tama...alam ko ung tama...BAKIT? hindi ko ba sinubukang ibaluktot muli ang tamang ginawa ko nun?
sinabi mo..ayaw mo na...tangna! bakit kelangan mo ulit ipamukha saking ung mga bagay na hindi ko gngawa..binigo mko..binigo mko..tngna ulit..saglit..sglit ulit...inisip mo ba ung mga katagang un bago mo binitawan ng ganun ganun nlang..nahalata mo naman cguro na mula nun hindi na kita tnitx..pero saglit..hindi ko prin maiwanan ang tangnang nraramdaman!
bakit? sa tuwing kasama mo ba siya naiisip mko...saglit lang..wag knang magcnungaling pa..lam ko hindi..sa tuwing tinitx mo siya me pagkakataon bang isinabay mko sa pagtitx sakanya..tngna! mamatay na ako..pra ng sasabog..
ung mga pagkakataong binbgayan ako ng lakas ng loob pra itx ka, lam ko gusto mo rin akong itx..ramdam ko un..pero lam ko hindi magtatagal un..lam ko konting tx lang niya wla na ulit..tangna!
makalimutan?? kinalimutan mo na un..binaon mo na un sa npakalalim na balon at tinakpan ng mraming bangkay..
isipin mo ung mga sinabi mo noon..ispin mo..saglit..wag kang maging ganyan..isipin mo lang..cge isip..dba? tama ako.. ayaw mo na..ganun lang kasimple..un ang pinakasakit na mga katagang binitawan mo..ilang bote ang itinumba at ilang nilalang ang nadamay..ilang pusa ang nasaktan..ilang balot ang nasawi..ilang kawawang dahon ang pinaghahahampas..ilang cne ang di pinalampas..ilang tubig ang sinayang..ilang kagamitang nasira..ilang exams ang di pinasa! at ilang luha ang dumanak..me ideya kaba? WALA!
kasi masaya kna.,naaalala mo lang naman ito pag naaalala ko..
ikaw na ang me sabi..ung naghilom na ay muli pang nasugatan..KINALIMUTAN MO NA NGA..saglit..ngayon sabihin mo..me karapatan pa kaya akong ibaluktot uli ang tamang simulan? hindi na..hinding hindi na..mgpaksaya ka..mgpakasaya ka..kasama ng nilalang tama para sayo..

saglit lang..

2007-01-31T21:50:00.000-08:00

Nakatunganga na naman sa kawalan..pigil na pigil na pero pilit paring bumubuhos ang bawat salitang naiisip..hindi mawari sa isipan kung panong biglang nawala ang iniingatang nilalang..saglit lang naman..cno ba tlga me kasalanan? ako ba? kasalanan ko bang itigil ang maling dinadanas at harapin ang tama? kasalanan ko bang maramdaman na tlgang wala at wlang mangyayari pag ito'y nagtuloy-tuloy na? sabihin mo nga kasalanan ko ba?

Iniisip ko pa rin naman ung mga ginawa natin dati ah..ung pagpuna mo sa mga kabulastugang ginagawa ko..ung mga panlilibre mo sakin..ung mga malalambing mong tx dati..ung mga pag aalala mo sakin...ung pagseselos mo(over acting)...ung mga kinakain nating kamote cue..ung pagtambay natin..ung mga sandaling nasa beach tau..lahat un naaalala ko pa..teka..ikaw ba? naaalala mo pa ba un?

Saglit lang kasi...nasunog ko na pla mga sulat mo..wla na rin akong pakialam kong ano man ung mga ginagawa ko ngaun..pasimple..hindi na rin naman ako nanghihingi ng load sau ngaun..at hindi na rin ako naghahangad ng mga pag aalala mo...wla ka na ring pagseselosan..(bakit pa?)...hindi na ako mahilig sa kamote cue..(nakakabantot ng utot)...sa org ko na rin ako tumatambay...wla na ring beach rito(puro swimming pools)...ano gulat ka?

Lam mo ba? lahat ng mga un namiss ko na...malaki na ipinagbago ko..mula sa inosenteng nilalang nagtransform na ako at naging isang mulat na indibidwal..iba na ang katauhan ko..isipin mo nga un..pano nangyari un? halata mo naman na tinitx pa kita...saglit lang...----- nahahalata mo ba un? ung paraan ng pagtx ko? iba na ba? saglit lang kasi..wag ka muna magsalita...iba na ako dba? wla ng mga katgang un pagkatapos ng bawat tx ko diba? diba?

Oo,, talgang tinatago ko yun..ayoko na magkamali...pero bakit ganun...? masaya ka..pero ako hindi..naiisip mo bang maging malungkot para sa akin? ung tipong iiwan mo ung mga nsayo ngaun pra samahan akong tumambay sa kawalan pra umisip ng mga bagay-bagay pra mapasaya ko ang sarili ko...saglit lang..kung gagawin mo un..hindi na ako mag iisip pa ng mga bagay na un..masaya na ako eh..andyan kna eh...saglit lang..wag nlng kaya..nasabi ko na..ayoko na magkamali..itatama ko na ang buhay ko..tama na ang buhay mo...ang buhay ko...(ewan)...

Saglit lang...teka...saglit lang naman..pwde bang tumigil ka muna..me sasabihin lang ako....teka..

----mahal pa rin kita....

im sorry

2007-01-28T19:52:00.000-08:00

a night full of glittering stars and a unscented candle in front of our wasted faces..all were about to vanish...identical faces and red noses...itchy skin and all of a sudden a call of nature insisted...i keep on telling myself that it was not as i was thinkin'...i insisted to text somebody to prove to myself that i was not that shit enough..i ended up sleeping with my soiled clothes and all accesories on..im sorry..it was not that..i just missed you so much!

pain booster

2007-01-28T00:19:00.005-08:00

normally its so happy to see some people being happy..such laughter cant be explained..yes i love the way you pose and i love the way you regain my strength everytime i stare at you at a distance of approximately 200km i guess..there's this feeling of satisfaction that no one could ever try to comprehend...i tried to draw you but no line could ever trace your pleasing facade..i tried to arrange a song for you but no words could explain you...i'd like to hug you..but you've flown away that fast..

it's just a boy

2007-01-28T00:19:00.004-08:00

tears..i saw those tears..it was my tears back then..and it keep on repeating every process..she said she was suffering from sore throat and could not speak that much..suddenly a boy with that weird look appeared at our sight..he said OREGANO! oregano was the cure for soar throat..yes he was right..how could he possibly know that? smart boy..wisdom is not always acquired through books and publications...just learn..watch..feel...thats the essence of living here in this cruel world...

for jeyson

2007-01-28T00:19:00.003-08:00

sunny day..rainy saturday i suppose...always shuts me up...that's him! ahahaha...long before the world has started jeyson has already evolved with a pair of black wings representing the son of the you know who...wahahaha...this must be fun..trying to step on someones dirty name...again..again and again...plak..plak..plak...
---jeyson binoang ra bitaw! ahahaha...wla lang lingaw ba...=) peace men!

i was thinkin'

2007-01-28T00:19:00.002-08:00

i was so confused by some simple facts..this is unfair thinkin' that i was that stupid to think that those silly thoughts could possibly hurt me in the long run..really stupid...i was thinking, what if someone grabs me from behind and suddenly break my neck..isnt that a precious feeling or a sad end..i was just thinkin'...can i glorify him for what he had said that night when falling stars directly fall unto my floating mind?or will i throw some shit and tell him' "oh c'mon! i never said that i love you!" silly! yes my hero just flown away that fast..i was just thinkin that my hero seeks another helpless individual..afraid to be captured by this nobody in the society...=(

yeah its so sad

2007-01-28T00:19:00.001-08:00

its sad to think that ur hero just flown away that fast....its not the relationship but the deep scar left in my innocent face..

enormous curiousity

2007-01-28T00:19:00.000-08:00

great ideas cluttered very often in my mind. abused by dangerous feelings ang so much awaited by sinfulness. I am subjected to a possible year starter which could possibly spin everyone's expectations.i can probably sail to a demonic kingdom where everyone suffer sweet tortures and passionate conversations. yes, i dont have those desirable characteristics but someones gonna bring me there.....really close...

i was about to vomit...

2006-12-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

stupid mind..i always want to forget all those stressful memories.. i would want to stab him!! let him fall bloody into that swampy side of the world!it was that sunny day when he came and turned into a stormy shit day when he left.. it was just a night with a vampire! i was left uncertain! i hate him! watching them stay happy burns my face!!

bitterness

2006-08-31T01:56:00.000-07:00

Breathe in for luck, Breathe in so deep. This air is blessed, You share with meThis night is wild, So calm and dull. These hearts they race from self-control. Your legs are smooth as they graze mine. We're doing fine, We're doing nothing at all. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burstto break or bury, or wear as jewelery. Which ever you prefer. The words are hushed lets not get busted,just lay entwined here undiscovered. Safe in here from all the stupid questions.. "hey did you get some?"Man, that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some.Hands down this is the best date I can ever remember. I'll always remember the sound of the stereo.The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair. That you twirled in your fingers. And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late. And this walk that we shared together. The streets were wet and the gate was locked. So I jumped it and let you in And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist. And you kissed me like you meant itAnd I knew, that you meant it. That you meant it, that you meant it. And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.

aug 22, 2006

2006-08-30T20:54:00.000-07:00

sobrang galit ang napapansin...madidiin ang paghampas ng hangin sa kaawa-awang niyog..halos matuklap ang spaltong daanan sa pagpatak ng malalaking butil ng ulan..lumiliwanag ang maamong itsura ng kapaligiran sa paglitaw ng mumunting kidlat...kasabay nito ang galit na ulap habang pinapatunog nito ang nakakatakot na tunog..nkatalukbong na ng kumot pero sinusundan pa rin..lungkot na lungkot tlga ang paligid na halos ala ng makitang bakas ng kasiyahan..natatabunan ng dilim ata hagupit ng tunog ang bawat sulok..kitang-kita ang bag-uunahang ulan sa bawat pagsilip..natatabunan na ang spaltong daanan ng magkahalong ulan at putik patungo sa kung saan..nagsisigawan na...lalong tinatakot!

titila rin...katulad na awayan....

the other side of me

2006-08-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

hindi ko maintindihan ang kabilang bahagi ng sarili ko habang dinidiktahan niya ang isa pa...gusto niyang pitikin ang kaawa-awang nilalang na nkasabit pero pilit paring tinatakpan ng isa pa ang maling isipan..hinimas-himas ang dominanteng parte ng nilalang.. hindi patatalo sa tinatawanang hugis na katawan na nsa gitna. Tinutusok ito ng dalawang kakampi..nsasaktan ata ayaw paawat..sinisisi niya spagkat nung panahong mas kinailangan siya ang masunod ay hindi ngpapigil..ang hugis!!! Medyo naiinis kasi huli na tlga! ngawa na! nagmamarunong kasi! ala namang isip! patuloy lang sa pagsabog ang pulang likido sa bawat hagupit niya ng masasakit na salita..."yun lang ang trabaho mo at hindi kna dapt makialam!! isa nlng ang bubunutin na kita!!

2006-08-11T00:17:00.000-07:00

sensed

2006-08-09T01:42:00.000-07:00

For months I have formulated this letting go theory in my mind...Get over it...move on...But like i said, it's just a theory...constantly proven wrong every time I feel you touch.
I love spending time with you. I love watching you sleep(which often leaves me awake the whole time just watching you). I love to drown in your stare over the coffee table. I love checking my phone knowing that you rang mine. I love how your lips curve everytime you smile. I love the feel of your skin against mine. I love the way you make me melt in your arms everytime you say you love me. I simply love you...So you said you feel the same way for me too? But love was not enough. it never was.. A kiss won't fix it all.
It's a struggle to see you everyday, have you smile at me like that, and me having to hide the longing in my eyes, the trembling of my voice, the beating of my heart. It's cruel how distance makes me want you more..It's torture having me lay it plain and simple that whatever we have right now can never be brought to a higher level.
I could have loved you more, but I can't promise to make you happy, to give you what you need, what you want, what you deserve.
Whenever I'm with you, i become fragile,delicate,dependent..weak..But the mere thought that you're mine and mine alone is enough to put me up to the pedestal for me to reach the skies.. You are my strength, yet you are my great weakness.. You know that don't you?That's why you wallow in my sadness..Its hard for me as it is for you..Can't you see that though not a tear will fall for you. I am hurting...Feel the pain in my eyes.. I am suffering in silence.
Maybe what you said was true..I complicate things..Maybe because things aren't as easy as it was. I am a complex individual with my own dreams, my own goals, my own friends. And maybe time will come that i'll be ready to make that leap to your world, leaving my dreams, goals and ambitions.

My whole being is screaming for you..Can you hear it? I hope you do...

Pride

2006-08-08T02:02:00.000-07:00

nkatutok sa baku-bakong balat sa babang parte ng katawan..sobrang dumi sanhi ng mga likidong pinapalaya ng malapresong ulap..tangay ng mga likidong ito ang mga duming dala ng kalikasan pati na rin ng tao..naanod papalapit sa akin..gusto kong tanggalin ang anumang bahid ng dumi pero huli na, dama ko na ang sakit dulot ng pagkabigo..nabigla ng matignan ang bugbog na matatagpuan kung saan nagtatagpo ang mga malalamyang buto..mga bugbog na sanhi ng larong pinupukpok ang bilog na bola sa isang matigas patag na tinatapakang ng milyon-milyong tao araw-araw..masakit at mahapdi..sa pagpisil, huling huli ang likido na ayaw pakawalan ng mga mata..isang pisil pa at hindi na kinaya ang bigat na pasan ng aking mga mata..kinuha ang bagay na pantakip sa tuwing malamig,nilapat sa mukhang ayaw paawat..alala ang mga halakhak na tumatagos sa puso at unti-unting sumisira sa bawat pagtibok nito..gusto ng tumigil..krangalan at pagtatanggol...hindi ko sila naibigay..

hinihimas ang sarili..sakit paring ang sadyang nagpupunyagi...pasensya na...

the most unforgettable week

2006-08-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

could not figure out what was really going on with my fucking exams...i could not exactly pin point the truthful faults..exhausted and terrified that someone would just approach me and notify the deep reality that im not good enough to handle circumstances like those that i've encountered! deep shit! i hate this week and im so stubborn to act so confident! boastful isn't it! shit!

11:51am...when the world starts to be obscure!

recent recovery

2006-07-25T05:12:00.000-07:00

malamig na naman at nkadakma ang ang malaking tela na makapal sa balat kong madaling malamigan..tumitilamsik na nman ang bwat likido na binubuhos ng ulap..malamang pagod na syang buhatin ang sadyang npakabigat na bagay na ininom niya..lagi nlng pagod...sumusuko...hirap na ko..gusto ko na ring sumuko...nkatutok na naman sa mekanikal n bagay...

* do i have to cry for u?

gotta set some innovations

2006-07-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

nagicing sa isang lugar na mejo pamilyar pero hindi pa rin naaninag ng ayos..halos 3 araw ng ganito..ala na ulit..nakaka asar..prang nagpupunyagi ang bawat bituin sa langit dahil napagbigyan silang sumindi at mag ilaw ng ganun kaganda..pano naman ang lugar na aking kinabibilangan sa ngaun..puno ng kadiliman at puno ng kalungkutan..ang hirap magdiskubre ng mga bagay na tiyak na magiging kapani-pakinabang..lahat na lang ata ng gawin ay may kaukulang pangyayari na pagdudusahan..salamat nlng..
ewan pero yun ung aking nararamdaman..parang minsan lang kung darating..prang hindi naman totoo pero ganun tlga eh..pag andyan yun,dun pa lmang lalabas at kung ala naman yun ay tlgang ala cia sa isipan..kidlat,kidlat..hindi ko na alam..ano nga ba tlga ang dahilan kung bakit ganun nalang..salamat..prang luhang bumubuhos..nagpupunyagi na naman ang palaka dahil panahon na naman nila...pano naman ang mga langgam..san sila pupunta..salamat.. mraming gustong ibigay..maraming mga nilalang na gustong ganun...marami cla..lahat ngpapakita ng motibo...pero salamat...salamat nlng masaya na ako katulad ng lugar at ng mga langgam..

pics pics pics

2006-07-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

great tragedy

2006-07-10T04:13:00.000-07:00

can see the happy faces but after that was a great tragedy of my life.. karma was so true..i believe there is always a way out..cant stand the feeling but i'd rather live my life as it was planned..im pretty much sure that this is a one hell planned by somebody trying to oppose the positive side of every feeling! great thing to happen is dying! a one awesome drive of my life yet transforming me into a heck fool creating a monstrous event..

napakasakit nga ba?

2006-06-28T22:55:00.000-07:00

nakaupo sa isang malambot na bagay na sadyang ginawa para bigyang daan ang pagod na nilalang..kanina pa lito at hindi malaman kung san siya eksaktong nakapatong...malabo kung tatanawin pero kita pa rin kahit ganun..nakikita ang isang nilalang o bagay na hindi mo malaman kung tlgang buhay ito o hindi..ang puno ng buhay...halos tutusukin kana sa mala espada niyang mga kawal na nakabase sa bawat gilid niya..isang bagay lang na hindi makikita ang sasalubong dun ay tiyak hindi mo na makikita ang mga taong malapit sa sau..bilog.bilog bilog..ano ba tlga binubuo nito sa loob...kung inyo tlgang pag uukulana ang sadyang paggalaw ng parte ay mahuhuli mo ang padaloy ng likidong npapaloob ganun din ang manamis-namis na parte na sobrang kinababaliwan ko..sa gitna ng kanyang pinagmamalaking katawan ay nakakapandiri sapagkat taglay nito ang mga nilalang na wla nlng ginawa kundi angkinin ang bawat tubig na dumadaloy..gusto ko siyang tanggalin pero sadyang nakakapit ito..wla ng pag-asa..magkadikit na sila..

bagong panahon

2006-06-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

naiingayan ako sa bawat tilamsik ng ulan sa mga spaltong daan.. pra bang mga bagong laya sa munti na ulap ang nagsisilbing mga kulungan nila..unti-unti clang nwawala pagkatapos nilang lumapat sa daan..naanod hanggang kung san man cla mapunta..sa mga halaman,sa mga canal na sobrang 'linis' o di kaya sa mga bibig ng mga kawawang wala ng mainom..pinagmamasdan ang sarili sa isang maliit na bilog na kita ang repleksyon ng pagmumukhang nakalabo..mula sa taas nakikita ang mga hibla na pra bang hindi naaayos dahil na rin sa pagkawala ng gana..pababa matatanaw ang ipinagmamalaking dalawang pares na ginagamit sa pag oobserba ng mga bagay na di pangkaraniwan..konti pa at masasalubong na ang pinaka-ayaw ng nilalang..kalahati pang baba ay ang wlang kwentang bagay na di naman nagagamit sa magandang paraan at puro mura lang ang alam..npakasaklap...binatawan ang bagay na sadtang hinawakan..7 yr bad luck? may ganong paniniwala pa kaya?bakit hindi na ba badluck ang bwat araw na nagdaan..sa bawat pagbangon sa lumang kama na puno ng alikabok? sa bawat pagsisipilyo na wla namang kwenta? nakakasawa na talaga...bakit ba pinagpipilitan ng tao na gumawa ako ng mga ganung bagay! gusto kong tratuhin nila ako ng ganitong paraan at wag na nila isipina ang nakaraan!gusto ko ng baguhin ang mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay hindi naman dapat...kanina sa classroon may natanaw akong "tulungan mo ako." pano ko naman cia tutulungan eh hindi ko naman cia kilala at di a nag iwan ng number! npakatanga tlga! kinuha ang isang maliit na puting papel kung saan nkasulat ang importanteng kataga..katagang nagpabagsak sa sinumang mayayaman at makapangyarihang nilalang..ang mga katagang ngpalala sa mga problemang dinadanas ng karamihang tao...mga katagang hindi masarap pakinggan pero di kapanipaniwala! binuklat ko....

"mahal kita"

its over and done

2006-06-19T04:19:00.000-07:00

i can't stop it pero its over....

kainis to...

2006-06-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

kainis tong babaeng kumakain sa gilid ko..nagugutom tuloy ako...huhu..2 itlog pa lang kinain ko sa araw na ito..tsk!

silence makes my heart palpitate

2006-06-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

heto na naman ako..tak..tak..tak..ano ba tlga sadya ko rito? konting aliw sa dulo ng mga daliri..konting galaw ng mga bilog na bagay sa mukha ko..at ang malamig na hangin na labas masok sa katawan ko..nkakalungkot..ang tahimik...katahimikan..shhh...ang ingay ng musikong nanggaling sa makinang hindi katulad ng nkaraan...ang hirap ilarawan..sdyang ganun naman ako plagi..ewan...puro nlng ako ewan.....
lubdub..lubdub...lubdub...pakiramdam ko ang paggalaw ng maliit na bagay na nsa kaliwang bahagi ng chest ko...nakakakiliti ang pagdaloy ng dugo sa buong katawan ko...dahan dahang tinatahak ang mga maliliit na ugat na sanay namamahinga na lang ngayon..pilit silang ginugulo ng mga likidong pula...cge daloy kau...ang hanging pumapasok sa malasakong bagay ay nakakakiliti rin..kelangan bang magsabay?kelangan bang guluhin ang mga bagay na sanay namamahinga na? kelangan bang clang pagtrabahuin at pagdusahin..kelangan ba clang bahiran ng pulang likido?cguro malaking panahon ang gugugulin pra masagot ko ang mga yan...sa mga bagay na ang hirap ipaliwanag...mga ugat ko..hantayin nyo ang ilang taon na pagdudusa...tutulungan ko kayo....teka..teka...nsaan ba ang apoy?mainit..wag na natin cyang idamay...

freak

2006-06-14T02:35:00.000-07:00

oh...i left the door unlock! I hurried back and checked! so dumb!I hate travelling..I was running trying to reach for the bus..the driver didn't even bother to stop for me to be safe...crap! I sat beside a funny looking gay.."she" has this weird make-up that makes her appear so freak..I didn't bother transferring to the next seat...I love it when i start observing people..its my specialty..The gay has this huge stomach ..a little shirt and this scary belt..so awkward.. I cant stop smiling..Karma was so true...Muscles in my mouth start to contract!Shit i dont wanna puke here..How the hell am i suppose to stop this in the middle of my travel..I dictated my brain to be calm..headache comes next..i've slept.."magallanes..Magallanes..." wake up...I rode a jeep to UP diliman.. I have a scheduled date with my brother..I bought c2 and sat down on carabao grasses...

check on it...

2006-06-13T00:23:00.000-07:00

hands down this is the best thing i can always remember!!and the streets were wet and the gate was locked so i jump it and i let you in..and you stood at your door with ur hands on my waist and u kissed me like you meant it!!

*********i hate this logo lurking in my phone!! this superman logo!! my explicit logo was replaced by smart telecommunications!! oh i hate them for that!!

HINDI NA NYA KINAYA

2006-06-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

ang akala ko ok na ang lahat...kala ko mapupunan na ang 'emptiness' na nararamdaman ko..akala ko wla ng problema..akala ko patungo na ako sa kaligayahan na minsan ay naramdaman ko noon..Sa tingin ko malabo pa rin..hindi pa rin masyado matiyak ang tunay na sitwasyon...ilusyunada ba?....Wla pa ring nangyayari...dahan-dahanin daw...ginawa ko naman ah..kulang pa ba? O masaya ka na sa iba...hindi mo man lang ako pinapansin..Pano kaya kung hindi ko muna cya kausapin? hayaan ko muna na mamiss niya ako...ang tanong..mamimiss niya ba tlga ako o tuluyan na nya akong kalimutan..teka..teka..teka.."totoo ba tlga yan ha?" wika ni Rey skin.."ewan ko,"sagot ko..
"npaka-imposible naman kasi ng iniisip mo eh.."
"mali ba?"
"Hindi naman pero lam mo naman kung ano turing nya sayo dba?"
"pucha! yoko marinig yan.."
"Andrea,masakit tlga ang katotohanan.."
"Tama na!"
"hindi! kailangan mong malaman tong lahat..cguro malungkot ka lang kaya naghahanap ka ng taong magpapasaya syo...cguro cya lang ang tanging tao na sa akala mo ay mkakapagsaya sau..andyan palagi pag ikaw ay kailangan ng kausap..naging mahina ka at nakatuon lang ang pansin mo sa taong un..kaya mo cguro npapagkamalang pag-ibig un..Wala yan Andrea!"

Umiyak na lang ako sa sulok at nag-isip...ang tanga ko! npakatanga! umaasang mahalin ng isang taong ngaing mabait lang sa mga panahong malungkot ako..Putang inang katangahan un!!Pilit binabaling ang isipan..PUTANG INANG MIKE NAMAN KASI UN!Pina-asa lang tlga ako...pinaramdam lang ng minsan sakin ang naudlot na pag-iibigan...may pahawak-hawak pa ng kamay ang putang inang un!npakasakit tlga!!OO na!!MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA MIKE!!SOBRANG MAHAL KITA!! ngayon...may mahal ka ng iba!! at sa tuwing makikita ko kayong magka akbay unti-unti akong nauupos na parang sigarilyo..Mamatay kna mike!!unti-unti mkong pinapatay sa mga putang inang mga alaala na putang inang pinagsisisihan ko!!!Hindi ko naman kasalanan kung naging mahina ako..kung cnabi kong wla akong bf kasi kahit kelan hindi mo pinakita sakin na mahal mko na magbf tau!!putang ina mo!!Gumaganti kba gago ka?suntukan nlng tau!!wag mkong daanin sa ganito!! Ipamukha mo saking na galit ka!!Pag nagkita tlga tau putang ina hindi kita pauuwiing hindi duguan yang ilong mo gago ka!!ulol ka!!nakaloko kna!!

tok..tok..tok....(pumasok c Rey)
"tma na yan Andrea"
napayakap nlang ako kay Rey..
"Rey mahalin mko!!"
"Andrea little sister na kita..Hindi naman tau bagay eh..ano kaba...May tao pang mas mamahalin ka..Bata kapa..wag ka munang mag-isip ng mga ganung bagay.."

Lumayo ako..yoko isipin un...guni-guni ko lang un!

what?

2006-06-06T02:36:00.001-07:00

he should just be killed!!! cupid i mean... the best way how??? to tie him up and leave him in the desert to die in the heat of the sun... he really deserves it...
he makes people's heart fall without anyone who is willing and ready to catch, thus it ends up broken into a million peices...
i hate him, he made me fall for someone and here i am writing this blog, broken and torn into peices....
of all the people why him? pakshet!!! why him??? F*%K!!! bullcrap!!!!
probably he's just doin his freakin pathetic job... i really dont blame cupid... i thank him coz he made me stronger... maybe he sent me that person to remind of how it felt like, not being able to say your emotions because of the fear of being rejected... shit...
i hate this... bull shit!!!
i wanna cry... but no one's here to comfort me... can't the BIG MAN above send me someone to heal all of my wounds??? anyway i'll just wait for that someone...
maybe GOD is just writing the best love story in the course of HISTORY... i have faith in him naman eh... just hope something happens...

matagal na pala

2006-06-06T02:36:00.000-07:00

ang hirap ipaliwanag..sdyang may mga bagay na mahirap ipaliwanag..nkakalito..biglang ganito tpos mamaya ganun na naman..GANUN TALGA...text message..Tv Patrol ang ringing tone..ang cute pero ang haba..yoko pakinggan..totoo ba lahat ng nkasulat sa tx..mga katagang di malaman kung totoo..sadyang magulo ito dahil magulo dun ang gusto ko sanang sabihin.."you want to stay but you know very well i want you gone,not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that i am walking on.."Tama yun..tamang tama un..yung mga taong may gusto sau ayaw mo namang makita ang pagmumukha nila..pag gusto mo bang makita o mkasama ang isang tao,ibig ba sabihin nun gusto mo cya?..I doubt it..Kaya nga mahirap ipaliwanag eh..at yung gusto mo tlagang maabot ay tlgang ang hirap abutin..(teka bat andaming TLAGA?ahihihi)..dami pang hadlang at titiyakin..dami pang panahon..ang layo pa ng lalakbayin..3km? 4km? o higit pa sa tinatahak ng karaniwang barko..? lalakarin ba at mapapagod? o sasakay na lang at magiging komportable..hindi ko parn alam eh..hindi ko parin lam ang punakatumpak na salita sa mga pinagsasabi ko rito..naguguluhan ako..mali ba? tama naman eh..ewan ko dun..ang labo pa rin..pra parin akong nkatingin sa transluscent glass...daming alikabok..sobrang labo..sooobbrrraaang laaabooo...

****nkatingin na naman sa gate ng up..pinagmamatiyagan ang tamad na mamang pulis..wag mkong dalhin sa sulok na yan..ang sakit parin sa tuwing naalala ko ang sulok sa isang paspud chain..papatayin prin ako sa lungkot..

boredom

2006-06-05T00:28:00.000-07:00

i'm used of getting up late..11:00am was very costumary..I was already out of our bunk bed when i notice that i was unaccompanied..my back hurts.."Kain na tau,kaso konti nlng ung kanin,"my friend said..it was a scorching monday morning..we ate..ring..ring...ring...dirty ice cream mode...while eating melted ice cream,there was this local chicken with dirty feathers..I guess he's searching for something to eat..a rice grain perhaps...hahaha..He didn't notice a well developed rooster from afar..A sudden cockfight happened..poor bloody chicken...text twist..text twist...59,000...too bad...gone w/ all the vocabulary words i've known..Mp3 mode.."amber is the color of your energy." How come amber was the color..could it be not green or red? well i dont know..weird...with the groove of music, i've done this weird twisting exercise with this weird looking twisting gadget...rest..rest..rest...Brown turns to white as i spread it all over..I'm feeling that sudden rise in temperature in my body specifically my face..I'm starting to feel my stomach contracting trying to search for available food.secreting juices..gotta eat..jobe mode..c'mon

not normal..

2006-06-04T02:39:00.000-07:00

anxiously waiting..i rush myself to her room to see to it if everythings alright..it turned to be fine but im not satisfied.."what's going on?"..unclear surroundings..after 3 seconds the double vision that i was seeing was finally clear..it was not normal.."you are not suppose to do this.""Oh come on! will you shut the fuck up?" I could see his boastful face as he utter those words..boisterous laughter filled the house..after a while they were all staring blankly at me...am i that stupid to take all those straight stares at me? I close the door and brought myself to a corner...I cried...Why are people like that?They have transformed themselves into naughty-monsters-eating people! how weird...I could imagine myself inside their wet mouth..chewing me to death..my blood squirting into their yellow colored teeth..
I stretch my t-shirt trying to wipe away my tears..i hate it when i cry..i hate it when im weak..Yes! ive gotta face them bravely..but i think its too late...the door was already locked..all i can hear were sweet shouts.

birthday

2006-06-03T03:04:00.000-07:00

today is the birthday of my mom..sad i am not at her side...:-(

pagtatagpo

2006-06-03T02:50:00.001-07:00

isang salaming di mo masyado makita ang repleksyon ng sarili mo..tagos hanggang papus..hindi ko pa rin tanaw sa malayo..balik sa kinauupuan..komportable..malamig..puno ng kulay..pilit aaliwin ang sarili sa paggamit ng mechanical na bagay..tak...tak...tak...ang sarap ng pakiramdam..alang iniisip..sa bawat pagpindot alala ang isang araw na kung kailan nagkasalubong...isip..ang gulo..kausap ang nilalang na gusto mong makita..ang labo..ang kulit..nakakainis..labas kna...nkakatamad..ang dami plang dyip sa labas sa mga oras na ito..maliit na sulok..medyo madilim..ang labo parin..tnaw ko lang ang nkatayong buhok..nkatalikod..natatakpan..malabo..bumalik ako..tuloy paba? tanong tanong tanong sa kasama..isip..isip..ano ba sasabihin ko..?ang gulo..kumatok..tok tok tok..kumway..ang cute ng pagkaway..bigla..pasok pasok pasok..di mkapaniwala..ang kapal ko..sanayan ba ito? sdyang iniisip ko lang..di bale na..nsa loob na..naalala ko pa..kinulbit ako ng isang babaeng gusto ko ring mkita..ang kulit..kinagabihan nun kain sa square..close na agad kami..ang saya..diretso sa harapan..pano ba? pinakita..nanginginig ba? ewan di ko masyado napansin..yun tumpak! alam ko na..tinitigang mabuti..ang labo pa rin..isa pa...padaplis..tama cya nga..di ko na maintindihan..labas na..twag twag twag..ano ba yun..kulit ni ate..hindi naman totoo un..gawa2x lang nya..magaling kba sa math?1+1+4-2+3*2..yun ata..ewan ko kung tuloy..ah bsta..isaw kau jan..sa bwat kagat ay ngiti..hahaha..sna catsup na lang..ano ba ibang gagawin..uwi uwi..tara na..

saddest songs

2006-06-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

I'm missing your bed, I never sleepAvoiding the spots where we'd have to speak& this bottle of beast is taking me home.I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheetsYou're not alone & you're not discreet.You make sure I know, who's taking you home.I'm reading your note over again.There is not a word that I comprehend,except when you signed it "I will love you always & forever"
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,and sit alone and wonder,how you're making out,but as for me I wish that I was anywherewith anyone making out
I'm missing your laugh, how did it break?And when did your eyes begin to look fake?I hope you're as happy as your pretending.I'm missing you bed, I never sleep.Avoiding the spots where we'd have to sleep.And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
Your hair.It's everywhere.Screaming infidelities.Taking it's wear.

missin' ur laugh

2006-06-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

sony playstation.nokia 3230,ipod shuffle,jolibee ice craze upgrade,jolibee crunchy twirl,jolibee zert pie...that's what im seeing right now..isn't it funny? im feeling the chill now..some sort of confusion between addiction and obsession..no,not that..striking heat. it digs my skin inch by inch. and in a matter of minutes im chillin'...i've seen him again..personally seen him..all the sensations were gone..all people were like invisible..am i deaf? am i blind? but why am i concentrated with this enormous shithead!!funny looking jerk..with that white cap again..

alright...im not being dumb here..

pls..go near me..last chance and all distressful feelings will be gone..yeah,,thats it..17 steps will be good..yeah...good...will i smile?will i call him? no..i wont even bother look at his clumsy face..but wait..i miss that comical face..that enormous belly..those fine-looking eyes..how i miss them all..oh shut up...knock him off!! no...just bow ur head down..act as if u didn't notice him..yeah..perfect!i guess thats it..that was all..im free..im worry free..i guess...so whats the big deal? missing him? not anymore...a little beer? not anymore..food will do...

ghost of a good thing

2006-06-01T02:38:00.000-07:00

wind..wind..wind...i hate this. inch by inch, my hair starts to grow into a monster. Good thing i have my little shades with me. 2 days dreaming of my most horrible situation. shattered and exhausted, i look at my phone. 8 messages received. i did not became aware of it. I passed by the horticultural buliding and noticed a big dog with huge chains around its neck. at the center of it was a big 'padlock' hanging like a bell. I started to relate myself with the dog's situation. Can't see my point. 'mama bayad po'. and moved myself to a corner where i can lean my back at this rusty jeepney. at the intersection patrol car was visible. i hate policemen. and i hate patrol cars. they were all like shit to me. i hate grove. it makes me so stupid trying to look for that fuckin' guy who was able to ruin my life. black tshirt,cargo shorts,blue pants and white cap..an identity that i fuckin' love the most!! i can't find what im lookin' for..every corner..im so depressed..'para po manong,' i exclaimed. I headed to a cafe..empty yet refreshing..

lasengga

2006-05-31T02:53:00.000-07:00

totototot...tunog ng luma kong telepono..pucha ang ingay..Oh my God alas diyes na pla ng umaga..tanggal ng muta, ayos ng buhoy,bangon..kanina pa sana ako gising..naalala ko pa kagabi pinatay ko ang computer, hindi ko na natapos ang pinapanood kong korean movie na The Classic. Sabi ko kay kathy,"manonood ka pa ba? kasi matutulog na ako." " sige patayin mo na,inaantok na rin ako eh,"sabi ni kathy. Tingin sa paligid..ang dilim..naaaninag ko ang cabinet,ang mga bulaklak na nkadikit sa pader ng kwartong kulay yellow. May multo ba tlga? tanong ko sa sarili ko...katahimikan...shhhhhhhhhhh...wla akong nkuhang sagot...
magkatabi silang tatlo...ako lang ang alang katabi..sa tingin ko mahimbing na ang pagkakatulog nila..Aray! may kumagat sa paa ko..marahil buntis na lamok yun na gustong malamnan ang kumkakalam niyang sikmura..tumagilid ako..mula nun ala na akong matandaan..tulog na c rose..
Dumiretso na ako sa banyo,alang laman ang balde..binuksan ko ang gripo..dinama ko ang lamig ng tubig habang ito'y dumadaloy sa katawan ko...naku..may narinig ako sa labas na para bang nababasag na baso..tilian sa labas...gusto kong lumabas pero di pa ako tpos..
umupo ako..bigla ko nlng naicip ang mga nangyari sa akin nung nakaraang buwan..Putangina!!bat palagi nlng ganito ang eksena! wlang kwenta!plagi ko nlng cyang naalala! binuhusan ko ng tubig ang mukha ko pra mwala ang msamang alaala...andun parin eh! hindi kailanman mwawala..Shit tlga...gusto ko na namang maglasing!
tara sa square!

how dare you

2006-05-31T02:42:00.000-07:00

May 31, 2006

Joey said to Dawson in Dawson’s Creek. “ I fell inlove twice, 1st was with you and 2nd was the person you became when you’re already mine.”

Astig ba yun? Galling marahil un sa magaling na scriptwriter.
Ayoko isipin!tantanan mko! Maawa ka naman..layuan mo na naman ako..pagod na ako eh…ayoko na magdusa..
Nkatingin sa malaking puno sa may gate ng UP..ang ganda ng drawing..andaming motorbike..red,blue,yelloe tpos red ulit,black,red,yellow tpos dalawang magkasunod na red..

HOW DARE YOU HOLD HANDS IN FRONT OF ME!! Umalis nga kau rito!!

Maswerte kna pag may nagsabi sau ng mga katagang binitawan ni joey kay dawson..
Npkaimpossible..
Inaanod na naman ako ng mga ideyang ala sa mundo..
Ang puti ng ulap..ang puti nya tlga…

alone at the ship

2006-05-31T02:40:00.000-07:00

june 16, 2006
my composed song!....sana bashin to...
Alone at the Ship
by: Rosas
Crying out of sorrow
couldn't see the people around me
can't face all the shadows
that covers me
this f**k life i cannot handle
i'm crying out for help
help build myself again
Chorus:
i am but a little bit crazy
couldn't think of what i'm gonna do
im lost...
im at the center of an ocean
pretending not to be sad
but my eyes says
im gonna...im gonna...surrender.
Why am i encountering this disaster
infact im just loving right
these people scars my face
they kick me...they kick me...
repeat chorus...
bridge:
ohh these people keep me hurtin'
they are all evils..evils!!!

never too far away

2006-05-31T02:39:00.000-07:00

June 28, 2006

tuloy2x na kaya to o lokohan na naman...
nakita ko na naman cya...nakasama..san kaya patungo to? trip2x lang o tuloy2x na..lam ko prang ewan lang ito sa kanya..hirap magsalita at lalong mahirap diktahan ang p***...ewan ko ba..Ta**a lang cguro ako..o ano..
simpleng tawanan..tambay...kwentuhan..asaran..kantahan..d******* ang paboritong banda.saya2x..ngunit san ba tlga pupunta to..ewan...bhla na cya..
ramdam mo naman cguro pag ***** ka ng isang tao noh?ewan ko...****** ata cya...
pakiusap ****...sana ito na ang sagot sa unang post ko...

screaming infidelities

2006-05-31T02:38:00.000-07:00

february 4, 2006

ewan ko ba kung bkit ang hirap2x maging masaya...lahat ng gawin ko may karugtong na kalungkutan..kay hirap...masaya ka nga pagkatapos naman malungkot na ulit...kung pwede nga lang masaya all the time eh tpos marami ka ring napapasayang mga tao..dba? eh pano nga ba mging msaya? turuan nyo nga ako...kakain ba? matutulog? o ano?
may nagawa na namn akong kasalanan na mabigat!tsk! hindi ko tlga mapigilan eh...ewan ko nga ba kung bkit ganun...hay...